Why Resilience Matters
There are adults who want to embark on something big, fails and never tries again. And then there are adults who fail but try again and again. I believe you would want your children to grow up to be adults in the second group. That’s because resilient adults are able to live happier lives, reach their highest potentials and do not easily fall into depression.
This is why resilience matters. This is why we need to raise children who do not give up.
“You want children to be able to handle setbacks, and hardship, and failure. So that someday, when they move out of the house, they can handle a problem at work, issues with a roommate at college, failing a test,” says social worker Amy Morin, author of the book 10 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do. “You want them to be able to take those struggles, and those experiences, and learn and grow from them and bounce back and become better.”
How To Teach Resilience
Resilience is a learned trait. While we try to teach our children to have grit, it is important to remember that we have to do so by being emotionally supportive, lest they grow up to be resentful, or worse still, anxious.
As with anything else we want to teach our children, one of the best ways to go about it is to model the behaviour ourselves. Share your setback stories with your children, tell them how you dealt with it and ask them what would have happened if mummy/daddy had given up instead?
If you want to instill entrepreneurial traits into your kids, resilience is definitely one trait you have to build in them. Success in business does not come easily. It only comes to those who can climb above all the ‘NO’s to reach the big ‘YES’.
So what’s the secret?
There are no secrets in raising resilient children. The difficult part is in being consistent in our journey as parents teaching children resilience. Here are 4 things you can do to cultivate grit in your kiddos:
1. Teach Kids To Connect Self-Worth to Effort Instead of Results
Praise them the right way. When we praise them for effort, they will connect effort to value. When we praise them for results, they will connect results to value.
2. Refrain From Intervening All The Time i.e. Let The Kids Struggle
What happens when we try to make things go too smoothly for our children?
They grow accustomed to a series of small successes and have a skewed view that life is supposed to be free of problems and obstacles. They will grow up, being unable to cope with the disappointments and hindrances they face along the way.
So, letting our children struggle is tough love. It is necessary for them if we want them to have resilience when they’re older.
3. Help Them Manage Their Emotions
Sometimes the scary thing for children is not the failure itself but the feelings that surprise them when they face failure. Help your child understand that what they’re feeling is normal. Validate it. Name it. Experience it. And move on.
4. Teach Them To Problem-Solve
Problem solving is one possible way to overcome any failure. It teaches our kids not to accept failure and stop there. They have to have a mind that will find another way to get things done or to get to where they want to be. The ability to problem-solve gives them hope and something positive to look forward to.